just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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