people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm like, not good at living.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
