Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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