youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
