Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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