I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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