dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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