I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
