she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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