We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
