She's JV to your varsity
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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