it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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