i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
