when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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