he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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