a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so that wasnt chicken after all
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
