"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
