my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
