I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
where are my eyebrows?
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