you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
