Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
