Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
