I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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