Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
