So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
thus making me awesome and them whores
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
