yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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