Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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