Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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