If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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