i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
