They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Randomize
