girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
