I heard we made out
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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