Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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