It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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