I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
