Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
