I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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