I've blown a few things in my day
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
