forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
