dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
