thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
