i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
