I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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