Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
