Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
