It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
