Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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