you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she smelled like a LAN party
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
