I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize