I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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