he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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