I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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