all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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