I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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