I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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