Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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