it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
