True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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